David Sturm

Sensation and Perception
Perception Assignment – Parts I & II

Part I

How wonderful to be human!  Our cognizance enables us to relive and appreciate our memories through the sweet scent of a rose, the gorgeous song of a nightingale, and the visual majesty of a sunset.  We are truly the luckiest creatures on the face of this beautiful planet. 

While most of us would associate these sensory examples I just gave with positive thoughts, we must remember that we are incredibly complex beings.  Oftentimes during the course of our development we begin to subconsciously associate different stimuli in different ways.  Though there are many things we as a species can together agree on quite clearly, our individual perception through our five senses of everything around us is completely unique to ourselves.  It is no surprise that two different people can perceive the same thing in completely different ways.

Take for instance, a lobster dinner.


This tender, moist, sweet and succulent luxury of the sea, so excellent, is an incredibly powerful stimulus.  For many diners this is the most illustrious meal on the planet.  Absorbing their marvelous meal in front of them, all five senses are fully illuminated!  Their perception is they are on top of the world, enjoying the true ambrosia of life.



As we have established, although this is a common reaction to sitting down for a lobster dinner, our diners’ jubilation is based off their individual perception.  Perhaps one’s fiancé proposed over a lobster dinner.  Or a couple shared the joyous news of their pregnancy to their family at a wonderful seafood restaurant.  These incredible moments are baked into the dish along with everything else.

However, not everyone shares these perceptions.  Prominent organizations such as PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and the SSCS (Sea Shepherd Conservation Society) have passionately spoken out against the consumption of lobster.  Many people perceive a lobster dinner and lobsters in general, as something completely different.


For starters, they’re fucking hideous.  What about this looks delicious to you?  Look into its eyes!  I’m pretty sure this isn’t even a living creature; it’s the spitting image of Satan himself.

And they’re disgusting!  They’re mutated blood-stained cockroaches!  They crawl around on the rotten sea floor eating whatever the other fish around them shit out.  Real fucking hygienic.

What the hell is wrong with you people anyway?  You’re a bunch of bloodthirsty sycophants!  You gruesomely declaw them and rip the skin straight from their body!  I’ll bet the cacophony of breaking bone turns you on, doesn’t it?  You sicken me.

 And you choose them right out of the tank!  Ripping their insides apart isn’t good enough for you, is it?  Oh no, you want your lobster to know that YOU'RE going to be the one to helplessly devour it.  Is this how you get your jollies?  When’s the last time you went to a pound, chose a pup, then brought it home, only to break its legs one by one with a hammer and hurl it into a pot of boiling water?!  I’ll bet you’d record its screams and listen to them again over dessert, you abhorrent fuck.

Sure, you could kill them painlessly, but where’s the fun in that?  You could freeze the lobster for a couple of hours and then pierce it through the brain quickly and humanely, but you don’t have the patience for that, do you?  Plus, why should you have to be subjected to a cold lobster?  You’re much too important for that, aren’t you, Your Majesty?  I’ll bet you’d pay to have a few others murdered just after being molested, and you wouldn’t even eat them!  Just to show your status.  I hope you dream of this:


And they’re cannibals!  CANNIBALS!  They are completely devoid of all morality!  You know what other animals will resort to cannibalism?  Cats!  That’s right; Mr. Whiskers hides a dark secret.  But oh no, you’d never eat a cat, would you?  We don’t eat the cute animals in this country!  What about an orangutan?  They’ll eat their own too.  When was the last time you salivated over a sautéed Ape Chop?  Plus, these Pongos spend most of their day masturbating anyway!  I bet that’s some meat you’d like to put in your mouth, isn’t it?!

 So go ahead, ‘ya douche!  Enjoy that Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce, garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam!  You elitist assholes!  You think you’re soooooooo much better than the rest of us don’t you?  Well bon appétit!  I hope you choke.

Part II

I can remember as a young boy unboxing for Christmas the Super Nintendo Entertainment System.  It was the first gaming system I ever owned, and it was amazing to see our favorite Nintendo hero, Mario, in a brand new amazing adventure!  Oh, how I loved Mario.  The ultimate symbol of all that is good, brave Mario would risk life and limb to save the pure Princess Toadstool from the evil clutches of Bowzer, the King of the Koopa.

Mario could always be counted on to valiantly persevere, save the day and save all the peaceful inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom.  As a child, I perceived him to be the absolute standard for courage and valor, a gallant warrior and an immaculate role model.

This all changed recently though.  I no longer perceive him to be the symbol of courage and perfection.  I now see him for what he truly is—an animal abusing, womanizing, murderous psychopath obsessed with preying on the weak and serving his own selfish desires.

After viewing a thought provoking video on the truth behind Mario, I was absolutely convinced that he has Anti-Social Personality Disorder.  The analysis thoroughly lays out what Mario is all about, based on fact, not speculation.  After viewing his video, my perception has forever changed.


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 Determinism vs. Free Will
Determinism has a massive affect on our lives.  One could argue that everything we do has already been planned out for us, and that the concept of Free Will is merely an illusion.  I personally believe that this argument is primarily presented by people who want to control you, whether it is for political reasons, religious reasons, or personal ones.  It can be a trap, one that we allow ourselves to fall into to take some of the fear of the unknown away from our minds.  The rationalization that we are not in control takes pressure off of us, but it also weakens us.  Most of the choices we make in life are based off of fear and what we have been programmed to feel about incoming stimulus.  The key word is here is, "programmed."  It is important to know that we have the ability to CHANGE our programming.
An animal in the wild is a nearly always victim of Determinism.  They are programmed to eat, sleep, survive, and reproduce.  The simpler the life form, the easier it is to predict its actions.
Humans are only victims of Determinism based off where they were born and their young developmental years.  Obviously those born to affluent families are likely to have better starting off points at their beginning of their life, as opposed to those born with physical or mental handicaps.  However, this is the minority, and therefore should not be the basis of trying to distinguish between Free Will and Determinism.
Generally, I exercise my Free Will by choosing to believe that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do about it.  As we were in class discussing the possibility of no Free Will, I found it laughable.  I can do whatever I want in the moment.  I could have taken my pen and dropped it on the floor.  I could have thrown it to the side of the room.  Or the other side of the room.  Or thrown my pencil.  Or do nothing at all.  Using my Free Will, I chose I would prefer to let the class go undisturbed.  It was an act of Determinism that the thought would have popped into my head, the fact we were discussing the matter in a class where I am a student, but I can do with that information practically whatever I want.
Determinism is real, but it is temporary.  I find myself living with my mother as an example of it.  The first day I went to school at NYCI and then went to work my full time job I thought to myself, "Wow, this is going to be a lot harder to juggle than I thought it would be."  The second day when I got home from work, I literally fell asleep in front of my steno machine trying to do the homework, overslept and missed a class in the morning.  It was clear that I could not do both at the same time.  I utilized my Free Will by telling my boss that I had to quit.  I CHOSE to give him notice.  I told him that if I didn't like him I'd walk out of here right now, but I'd give him some time.  I CHOSE to go against letting my fear of falling behind in class dictate my immediate actions.  The end result of having to move in with my mother would not have changed, but did not stop me from exercising my independence as I saw fit.  
There is more than one way to skin a cat.  And thankfully my example of Free Will did not involve doing that literally.

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Experiment Proposal by Professor Dave Sturm



Question of Interest: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood whilst inebriated?

Hypothesis: An inebriated woodchuck would chuck about 350 lbs. of wood on a good day with the wind at his back.  This hypothesis is based off of the hypothesis of renowned New York Fish and Wildlife technician Richard Thomas, who estimated in 1988 that a (male) woodchuck would chuck approximately 700 lbs. of wood on a good day with the wind at his back, as I believe the woodchucks' chucking abilities will be compromised by 50%. 
Experiment: The experiment will take place in Whitlash, Montana on the corner of Strawberry Road and Miners Coulee Road on an average windy day.  This location has been chosen based on the local alfalfa levels, relaxed Environmental Conversation Laws, and the fact that I can take a leisurely stroll to Canada to score some Cuban cigars.  The experiment will take place in mid-March so the woodchucks will have the opportunity to mate with female woodchucks afterwards during mating season as an additional reward. 
All woodchucks must consume 2.406 bottles (or 28.872 fluid ounces) of 5% alcohol content Woodchuck Hard Cider immediately prior to their chucking.  The woodchucks will drink the aforementioned amount of cider immediately prior to the beginning of the experiment, and then released to chuck wood.  Any woodchucks that upchuck as a result of the experiment will be given medical attention as requested.
Operational Definitions: A "Back" is the rear surface of the body from the shoulders to the hips.
"Wind" is the perceptible natural movement of the air, especially in the form of a current of air blowing from a particular direction (not to be confused with "breaking wind.")
To "Chuck" is to throw an object either carelessly or casually.  
"Inebriation" is the state of being drunk/intoxicated.  Our woodchucks must be kept consistently and exactly between the 6 stages of "Legal Intoxication" and "Possible Death," as defined by the human male California State DUI chart; the standard in most States.  Levels of intoxication are based on the weight of woodchucks as compared to the weight of humans.  All woodchuck measurements have been carefully chosen and meticulously calculated as the metabolism of ethanol of the Sciuridae (or "Squirrel Monkey") evolutionary family is generally similar to that of humans, and as anyone who has every driven home technically "Legally Intoxicated" knows that your motor skills are only slightly compromised.  After imbibing 1 Woodchuck Hard Cider, our woodchucks would be just .001 under the .08 alcohol limit, meaning he could still drive home legally.
Population/Study Sample/Participants:  For this experiment, a total of 20 woodchucks will be used.  Our woodchucks must be 2 years old, male, 19.75 lbs. and 26.75" in length. Weight requirements are based on the average woodchuck weight of 8.5 lbs., though under certain relevant environmental circumstances may weigh up to 31 lbs.  All woodchucks must complete a physical conducted by outsourced impartial 3rd party wildlife experts to ensure unbiased accuracy.  All woodchucks who wish to be considered for the experiment must provide valid birth certificates and recent medical records.  Due to the gender indicated by Richard Thomas' hypothesis, only male woodchucks are eligible to participate.  Woodchucks that do not pass the strength, health, and psychological standards and/or are infected with Woodchuck Hepatitis Virus will not be used in the study as their internal organs must not be compromised.  Preferred woodchucks who do not meet the exact weight requirement will be given 3 days to undergo a juice cleanse to meet the requirement.  Woodchucks weighing between 19.50 and 20 lbs. may substitute the preferred woodchucks who fail their cleanse, provided they are on-site.

Informed Consent: All woodchucks will be informed of the parameters of the experiment, and asked to sign a document swearing to attempt to chuck as much wood as they would under normal circumstances.  Woodchucks may stop chucking wood at their individual preference.  For incentive, the woodchucks will be inspired to do their best as the top 3 Chuckers of the Day will be rewarded with $20 gift certificates to the popular restaurant/arcade chain "WoodChuckie Cheese: Where a Woodchuck can be a Woodchuck."
Placebo: Non-Alcoholic Woodchuck Hard Cider
Experimental Group: The Experimental Group will consist of 10 woodchucks who have been imbibed with 2.406 bottles (or 28.872 fluid ounces) of Woodchuck Hard Cider.  
Control Group: The Control Group will consist of 10 woodchucks who are unknowingly imbibed with 2.406 bottles (or 28.872 fluid ounces) of non-alcoholic Woodchuck Hard Cider.  
Independent Variables: Woodchuck Hard Apple Cider, knowledge of prizes for the Top 3 Chuckers.  As Richard Thomas did not specify what type(s) of wood he considered for his hypothesis, we shall use an equal mixture of Douglas-Fir, Lodgepole Pine, and Ponderosa Pine types, as they are most common to northern Montana, and would be the types of timber our specific woodchucks are most familiar with.
Dependent Variables: How the effect of the Cider affects the woodchucks' ability to chuck wood, and the woodchucks' personal enthusiasm toward pizza and video games.
Naturalistic Observation: Observers of the experiment will not be allowed to interact with the woodchucks IN ANY WAY outside of the hourly cider replenishment, and must not give a chuck regarding the outcome.  To promote a family friendly atmosphere, child onlookers may provide woodchucks with their mandatory hourly required additional cider, 4.872 fluid ounces, in order to keep their buzz at the required level to ensure the most scientifically accurate results.  Onlooking children will be randomly selected provided they have demonstrated a steady hand by firing a small caliber handgun and hitting a target no less than 6.5' away.  Any woodchuck predators obviously heading in the direction of the woodchucks will be eliminated by silent sniper rifles as not to endanger the children.
All calculations were done and re-checked using a Sharp IL-531 XGB-WH Engineering/Scientific Calculator.  Only 2 woodchucks were seriously injured during the writing of this assignment, and only 4 were infected with WHV.  None were eaten.  The creator of this experiment in no way encourages drunk driving.
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